That is correct…..
tears…..actual, dripping from my face….uncontrollable wet stuff flowing from my ducts…….
Anyone who knows me knows that is just uncalled for! Haha! Well, more along the lines of unlikely.
But this girl, this sweet sweet girl who is countries and oceans away from me, whom I already love with all of my aching soul and feel so blessed to call our daughter has me in inevitable tears. Tears for what I cannot speed up in this long process……tears for just how much longer I have to wait till I see your beautiful face in person, tears for the ache in my heart that is pounding physically out of my chest for your little hands to be in my own. Tears for your life up until this point, in a place that is doing the very best they can with what they have so that you can be in a family someday, that family is us little Ru!!! Tears for all of the other little kiddos whom you share a room with, or a foster momma or even that you encounter every day……is their mommy and daddy on their way to them soon too? Do they know how much they are loved and being fought for just like we are fighting for you? And tears for you little Ru, on that amazing day that we will meet, and you will look at me as the a stranger and be so confused and heartbroken to leave your foster momma, the only momma you have ever known since birth. My tears are for her, and for your broken little confused heart on that day…..when I think about the magnitude of what your little soul will have to go through to be in the family that God has designed for you from your birth I have tears…….your poor little heart Ru, I don’t take for granted one second the amount of pain and confusion you will have to endure to be where you are supposed to be…….
So you will have tears too……pain, and trauma and frustration and tears……
But guess what my little daughter? We will be together, and God has a plan, he is teaching me patience, and his timing and trust! He is teaching your daddy trust too, and it is great to see in action!
So when you have your tears of sadness and heartbreak and confusion and uncertainty and you won’t know who to trust or even where you are going I get to be there to wipe those for you; to hold your hand and to hug your little frightened body. It will take time for you to trust me but I want you to know that I will be here all along the way for your giggles, your questions, your joy, your sadness, your anger, your excitement and of course for your tears…….I love you sweet Ru and I am so excited for the day that you are not a world away…..and an ocean of tears has finally been crossed…….